So He Said…. by, BarbaraRoseBrooker
(Quarantine and Sex)
“So he said, leave the lights on so I can look at you. And this was on Zoom,” I tell my friend Janet on face time.
“I’m nauseous,” Janet says, chewing. She’s always eating. “But honey, was it great? I tried to call you at midnight.’’
“Great what? We were on zoom. He blew kisses like he was blowing bubbles. And he had one of those tiny mean mouths.”
“I did it in real time with the realtor. We social distanced, wore masks, no saliva exchanged, but a hole is a hole is a hole.”
“So you risked your life for sex? Was it worth it?”
“Three balls.” She sighs. “ Tiny like marbles.”
“At least he doesn’t have two heads,” I say. “But you better be careful. The virus doesn’t wait for orgasms.”
“Well, it wasn’t a big deal,” she insists. “One touch on one ball and it was over. Plus, he wanted the lights on. Jerk. Every minute his Apple watch was recording us, his stupid penis, or his blood pressure. He has APPS up the ass. At least your last boomer freak wanted the lights on so he could see you. He gets my vote.’’
‘’Are you kidding? That was before the quarantine. And he wanted the lights on so I could see him? He thinks he’s Gods’ gift. Now he’s quarantine. Still, he works out with his twenty year old Russian trainer, Sasha. Now, with everything closed, he can’t hang around Starfucks talking to twenty-year-old girls with bare midriffs, and bragging about his Mensa meetings. Cheap too. He takes you to the Olive Garden, and then expects you to blow him. He owns three houses, has a pilot and no airplane.”
Janet sighs. “These schmuck boomer freaks either die inside you, or they urinate in the bed. The paraplegic guy I met at the veteran’s fundraiser had no arms or legs but he had a huge dick and knew what to do with it.” She sighs heavily. “This aging shit is the shits.”
“Well, maybe it’s a good thing we can’t go out,” I say. “ And that the uglies wear masks. Maybe dreaming about love is the real thing. Love is a state of mind.”
“Mind? Schmind. Honey, the sixty-year-old foodie I was in love with, until we had sex. He had to inject his shriveled up penis to get it to move. It was supposed to expand but he had to call the medic. I’ve had it. The pandemic is fine for me. When I want sex I call Mohammed. He puts on his mask, we turn off the lights, and I’m in Niverna.”
Barbara Rose Brooker/MA/Author/her latest novel Love, Sometimes, published Feb 2020, by Post Hill Press/Simon Schuster is working on The Corona Diaries, finding sex during the pandemic, love, and other things.)
Love, Sometimes available at all bookstores, and on all social network sites.
