Even Ugly Men Are Jerks,

He wears three thin turquoise bangles. I met him on one of those singles sites for over fifty. So we decided to zoom it out. He sits forward as if pressing his face on the screen, his tiny eyes scrutinizing my face. He has this huge head and no neck. So all I see is this moon shape face, shoulders and tiny hands. Really ugly. But I always thought ugly men are wonderful. Extra nice. So I get real chatty.

“You look pretty good for seventy-eight,” he says, with an enervated sigh. He frowns.

“I don’t like “for,” I say. “Either you look good or not. Anyway, it’s great to meet another writer,” I say.

He shrugs. “I read The Viagra Diaries. You sell out men.” He drones petutantly on about my negative attitude towards men, about his film options, dropping names of celebrity producers, movie stars, publishers, and agents.

“Sounds good,” I say.

Then he goes on about how depressing dating is and that half the women he zooms with probably have the covid anyway. With a gloomy expression on his face he says, “Most of the young women I date don’t even know who Bette Davis was.”

“Well, maybe you date women who are too young?”

“Of course young!” he snaps. “The older gals have faces like eggs, back problems, cellulite, bad facelifts, knee problems, humps on their backs, and they’re looking for a schmuck like me to marry and take care of them.” He frowns. “Are you on Lipitor?”

“I’m not applying for a job,” I reply.

He laughs, and when he laughs his teeth don’t show. We shoot the breeze about zoom dating, and how hard it is during the pandemic to make intimate connections. He pauses. “Say, I’ll text you my list.”

“List?”

“If you don’t mind. Just answer the questions. Why waste time courting someone you have nothing in common with? I’ll send you the list.”

Part of series on finding love during the pandemic.

BarbaraRoseBrooker/ www.barbararosebrooker.com

barbarrose@aol.com